-.Dream Family.

An essay I did for one of my classes about why should gay couples be able to adopt.

The Dream Family

By: Andrea Lozano

April 2008

Many people dream about having their own family. To have someone they love and that loves them, but most importantly, to have children. Why should your sexual preferences kill that dream? Why are you inferior to others just because you’re different? Gay adoption shouldn’t be a taboo; we should talk about it and accept it. The purpose of this speech is to convince you about supporting gay adoption by presenting two variables based on facts: The benefits of children growing with a same-sex couple and the United State’s necessity of these couples to be able to adopt.

The first variable to be developed is what benefits children have by growing up with same-sex couples. Many people think that gay couples shouldn’t adopt children because they have a negative impact on them, at least, more than a positive impact. Nevertheless, Benedict Carey in “Experts Dispute Bush on Gay-adoption Issues” states that there are many things about the issue that are not true. For example, statistics show that gay parents don’t raise gay children. The study done by Carey showed that only “3 out of 10 children raised in same-sex households were gay…” (3), meanwhile, the others had a sexual orientation towards the other sex. Another example is that gay parents don’t traumatize their children. Many think that gay parents confuse their children by giving them the “wrong” image of a family, making them have emotional and even psychological issues. But Carey states that if these children are traumatized by something, the reason is society, which bothers them with the idea of their parents being different from “normal” parents. Another thing that Carey strongly defends is that children raised by same-sex couples are normal. “But experts say there is no scientific evidence that children raised by gay couples do any worse–socially, academically or emotionally–than their peers raised in more traditional households.” (1). According to Carey, they are not more or less emotional or conflictive than normal and moody teenagers raised in a so called “normal” household. A second point that Benedict Carey strongly defends is that children raised by same-sex couples have some benefits, and he enlists some of them. He mentions that these children tend to be better in school performance. “…studies have shown that on average, children raised by two married heterosexual parents fare better on a number of measures, including school performance, than those raised by single parents or by parents who are living together but are unmarried.” (Carey, 2) They are also more open in their attitudes: “…studies had also suggested that children raised in same-sex families might be more open in their attitudes toward gay relationships, if not gay themselves.” (Carey, 3) and they tend to be more communicative with their parents: “A more reliable finding, Dr. Stacey said, is that children in same-sex families tend to be more communicative with their parents.” (Carey, 3). Another point he emphasizes is that they’re stronger than children raised in heterosexual families. “One undisputed reality for children raised by gay parents is that they tend to face teasing, discrimination and bullying in the schoolyard because of who their parents are. That many of these children can navigate such nastiness, on top of the usual social and emotional squalls of growing up, and still be found as well adjusted as their peers on standard psychological tests is remarkable in itself…” (Carey, 3) These children are usually good at their academic and extracurricular activities even with all the pressure that other children give them because of being different, so this means they are very strong and exceptional children.

Tim Padgett also believes that children benefit from growing with a same-sex couple. In his work “Gay Family Values”, Padgett mentions that in the 2002 the American Academy of Pediatrics it was stated that children raised in gay families were no different from the others. (2) He also sustains there are benefits from growing up with a same-sex couple, enlisting different reasons from Benedict Carey. One of the benefits Pagett mentions is that it creates satisfaction to a great number of the community. There are about 2 million same-sex households in the United States and 5% of them have adopted children. (2). This means that they would be making a great part of the community happy just by allowing them to create their own family. He also sustains that it lowers the conflict between distinct ideologies: Violence towards gays decreased and public opinion about gay adoption and marriage[1] has gained force in the states that decided to accept gay adoption by law, even if they don’t accept gay marriage. (2) The other benefit is that children that are raised in same-sex households are usually adopted. This fact helps not only the children, but the families with a wish of having children and even the same country. This is better explained in the next subtopic[2].

The second subtopic consists in explaining how the United State’s actually needs gay couples to adopt. Tim Padgett in “Gay Family Values” mentions that “Some of the states that are denying same-sex couples the right to marry are allowing them to adopt kids.” (1) This is because the United States is in an “…urgency of finding homes for abandoned children.” (Padgett, 2). There are at least 120,000 children in the United States for adoption. (2). He also mentions that the growth in teenage pregnancies was itself making the number of the children for adoption (3). This are some reasons for which it’s necessary for the United States to consider gay couples for adoption. Other reasons mentioned by the author include the fact that more than 4% of adopted children is with a same-sex couple (2). Another reason is that “Almost 2% of the nation’s 3 million same-sex households…” (Padgett, 2) have adopted children. There are also economic reasons, according to Padgett, letting gay couples adopt saves the United States taxpayers as much as $130 million a year (2).

Doctor Judith Stacey also thinks that the country needs gay couples to adopt. In her work “Name of the Family: Rethinking Family Values in the Postmodern Age” she mentions that the United States needs gay adoption mainly because gay parents are always prepared for children: “Same-sex couples have enough time for themselves to work their education and economy for their future children […] 4 out of 6 adult gay males have a Phd…” (Stacey, 6), gay parents have no “mistakes”: “…they can’t get pregnant unless they are bisexual, so there is no concern about making any “mistakes”, that is, getting accidentally pregnant.” (Stacey, 6), gay families create less aggressive children (Stacey, 6) and finally, gay families create more open minded children that affect others that surround them (Stacey, 7), which means more tolerant people in the future. She also sustains in a another document[3] that children raised in same-sex households tend to have better school performance as well as in other extra-curricular activities. “They even reported being more involved at school, in clubs, after-school activities, things like that.” (Stacey, 4).

In other words, children that are raised in same-sex households are no worse than children raised in a house that has a mother and a father. Actually, some of them are better in certain aspects than children that grow in so called “normal” households and they’re mostly better than the children raised by a single parent or by parents that live together without being married. Gay couples are people, just like any other couple, and most of them dream of having children. Being gay doesn’t mean you don’t have what is needed to be a parent, don’t break their dream and say yes to gay adoption.

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[1] “…opposition to gay marriage dropped from 65% in 1996 to 51% last year. The trend is heartening to gay activists who believe that as acts like Colorado’s give gay and lesbian couples the opportunity to showcase their worth as partner-parents, the laws will help erode resistance to same-sex matrimony.” (Padgett, 2)

[2] The United State’s necessity of gay couples to adopt.

[3] “Experts Dispute Bush on Gay-Adoption Issues” by Benedict Carey.

Sources:

v Carey, Benedict. “Experts Dispute Bush on Gay-Adoption Issue.” New York Times (New York, NY). Jan. 29, 2005: 12. SIRS Knowledge Source Database. Biblioteca Digital del Sistema Tec. Tec de Monterrey. April 1, 2008 <http://biblioteca.itesm.mx/nav/contenidos_salta2.php?col_id=sirs>.

v Padgett, Tim. “Gay Family Values.” Time Vol. 170, No. 3. July 16, 2007: 51-52. SIRS Knowledge Source Database. Biblioteca Digital del Sistema Tec. Tec de Monterrey. April 1, 2008 <http://biblioteca.itesm.mx/nav/contenidos_salta2.php?col_id=sirs>.

v   Stacey, Judith. “In the Name of the Family: rethinking family values in the postmodern age.” Boston: Beacon Press, 1996.